Ok baby, let's see those boobies.

I have this book, it's called How to Survive a Horror Movie, by Seth Grahame-Smith. It's hilarious, insightful, and helpful in the months of July and October. If you haven't read it, check it out this Halloween season. It's short, sweet, and very much to the point. It covers just about every type of horror movie, but what about when the movie itself is just about every type of horror? Maybe I'm just blowing this out of proportion, but this movie is well designed. The more you know about the genre, the better this movie must be. I'm probably at a 102, possibly a 201 level of horror, and I still enjoyed this movie so much. Ladies and Gentlemen (all thirty billion of you), I give you The Cabin in the Woods.

These guys...

     The plot is simple. Five kids go to a, well, a cabin in the woods which is rigged with all sorts of traps. The traps are set by this company of some sort (that has competition all around the world), who watch them like spies. They've got switches and levers and all sorts of buttons to alter the cabin, summon monsters, and put drugs into the air they breath. They even hired a creepy old man to reside in a closed-down gas station, warning them not to go to that cabin ("I have the Harbinger on Line 2!"). In essence, they are the directors of the "movie". But what of the cast?
     Dana: The Virgin. We don't see her tits.
     Jules: The Slutty Bimbo Blonde. We see her tits. She gets killed.
     Curt: The Jock. Jules's boyfriend. He also sees Jules's tits. He gets killed. Here's why you know straight away, as taken from How to Survive a Horror Movie: Curt says, directly, "we can cover more ground if we split up". Horror Movie says "you forgot to add 'with blood' between 'ground" and "if'".
     Marty: The Stoner. Now, what's with this guy? He's clearly just a live-action Shaggy, minus a great dane. He smokes weed all day (erryday), with cheesy lines about conspiracy, being too high, and "I'm going to go read a book with pictures." I understand making the Stoner a dumb character (and thereby subtly telling audiences that smoking pot is bad), but dude, smoking pot saves his life. His bong is..well, pretty amazing. I can't find a picture of it online that doesn't totally spoil it, so check check it. Also, he is the first character I have seen in YEARS (aside in lower-budget films) who actually exhales smoke on screen.
     Holden: I don't know, some sociology major who makes out with Dana. I think he's supposed to be the hot-nerd or something.

I laughed pretty hard.

     A typical Slasher group, but the ones with the knives are the least of their worries. The company running the show has a collection of every type of ghoul on the market, including what appears to be a guy who tried to make out with a Robo-Geisha. It makes for quite a long-lasting climax.
     Remember when I said that this company has competition? They're competing with Japan, go figure, and the Japanese have a "ghost" haunting a classroom with a scary Asian ghost (the most horrific type of ghost!). "How hard is it to kill a group of nine year olds?" In the end, though (minor spoiler), they girls dance in a circle, sing some happy song, and the ghost turns into a frog. Where the f-ck were these girls when I was having nightmares?
    
     One last thing: I loved who survives in the end.