Monday, October 1, 2012

Welcome to Terrorverse!

     I know I never write posts anymore, but the truth is is that I'm not really into watching movies until October rolls around and suddenly, everyone around me wants to watch horror movies. Thank Christ, because my house of twelve people all have been watching Snow White and the Huntsmen and have wondered why I won't join them. Anyway, to kick us off, I'm going to list my top ten horror flicks (you'd be surprised by what I haven't seen).
    10. Evil Dead 2: Come on, a classic! It's campy, it's supernatural, and duh chainsaw arm. Nothing else matters.
     9. Creepshow: I found this movie pretty tight, but my best friend's reaction is what makes this movie priceless. A movie containing mini-movies (with Steven King as an actor in one of them), she nearly barfed her brains out and screamed from the last one. I couldn't stop laughing, and for that, this movie holds a special place in my heart.
True story, my friend.
     8. Freaks: I didn't realize this was horror until recently. Packed with real, actual sideshow freaks, and filmed in the 1930s, audiences were flipped out across the nation (or where ever the movie played at the time). Even some of the "freaks" were appalled upon seeing this film. In short: it's a love story between a "freak" and an anatomically normal woman. She's in it for the money, he's in it for the love, and upon meeting her in-laws, so to speak, they welcome her with the most famous line of the movie. One of us, one of us, gooble gobble gooble gobble!  She uh, doesn't take it too well.
     7. Braindead: Not Dead Alive which is the American remake. Fact: Bloodiest movie of all time, and also pretty funny. I'm scared to give anything away, for this movie has a sex scene I never thought I'd see, a priest who really does kick ass for the Lord, and heaven all mighty the lawn mower. Side note: Back in high-school, the typical dinner-and-a-movie date between my highschool sweetheart and myself, this was a popular vote.
He should have just said yes.
     6. Pontypool: Also a book and a radio play, Pontypool is the smartest zombie movie I've seen. Sometimes too smart for me, but I take that as a challenge. Brilliant plot with, I'll admit, an "obtuse ending" as my friend put it.
     5. The Loved Ones: High school prom movie. With torture. Horrible, horrible torture. Try putting salt in a wound. Amplify times a trillion. The Loved Ones.
     4. Paranormal Activity. I am not kidding I ran into the kitchen (but you could still see the TV from my viewpoint) and started cussing up a storm because I was so scared at the end.
     3. Saw I and II. The rest suck, but holy sh-t the first two are amazing. The endings to them are awesome, and the brutality is through the roof. The needle pit, as shown, is the only time I almost threw up while watching a movie. I crave for that feeling again.
IS THERE ANYTHING MORE DISGUSTING?
     2. The Sixth Sense. Not only is this movie thrilling and beautiful to watch, but I have a strange story about when I saw it in theatres. My friend's dad took us to the movies. We saw The Sixth Sense, and it was scary, whatever. But, on our way home, he drove us into a forest, left the car for thirty or so minutes, and I can't remember what happened in the car, but I just remember all of a sudden riding home. What?
I was afraid to even look up a picture.
     1. The Ring: The one and only reason why this movie is number one is because I'm still afraid of it. I was scared when I was 12, and I'm 21 now. I haven't slept in a room with a TV for nine years now. I know for a fact that I have seen this movie at least fifteen times within the first year it came out, and I will never watch this movie again.

There you have it. Hopefully this month will be more productive.

4 comments:

  1. Welcome back! This is a great post...but I have some questions (and concerns?).

    1) Is Evil Dead 2 a horror movie? Or is it a comedy? I always think comedy first. You should have went Event Horizon!

    2) I left the Saw franchise after the second one. The needle pit was one of the few times I've ever looked away from the screen. F--king great, that. Should I fire up III and IV for Halloween?

    3) The Ring scared the shit out of me. But only that dead girl in the closet, and the accompanying noise that came with it.

    4) What the f--k is with that Sixth Sense story? No seriously. I want answers.

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  2. 1) I considered Event Horizon, most certainly. Evil Dead 2 is certainly a comedy, but I consider it horror because Ash went so crazy he cut off his own hand. That's horror in my eyes. But yes, it is a comedy.
    2) No, don't watch the rest unless you are ONLY in it for the torture. The story is awful, the acting is mediocre, and actually some of the traps get dumber as time goes on. I mean, five and six had pretty neat plots. I guess.
    3) I was warned about the girl in the closet before I saw it, and I knew exactly when to close my eyes, but it all happened so fast. Mother of God I am still haunted by that movie.
    4) Man, that's about all I know. I don't even really remember the drive home, but I do remember him getting back into the car, smiling, and said sorry for taking so long. Maybe he just had to take a dump or something, I don't know.

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  3. Oh, and also, I used to pause The Ring when they showed Samara's victims, and stare at their horrible bodies because I was trying to just get over it. I figured that would work. Instead it just burned those images on the inside of my eyelids.

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  4. Wow. Solid plan. I should pause awesome nude scenes and just stare at them.

    You know, so I can 'get over' them.

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