I like rocks. I LOVE ROCKS.

Alright. ALRIGHT. Last night, I went to see Prometheus with a very good friend of mine, Chris. Him and I had very different perspectives going into the movie, and I think it's safe to say that we had different (but not terribly different) feelings upon coming out of it. Chris is well versed in the Alien movies, and I, not so much. If you didn't know (but you probably did), Prometheus is a prequel to Alien. A distant prequel, at that, but a prequel none the less. Chris claims that I didn't miss out on a lot, but I felt like the only kid who didn't get the joke.

     Starting in the year 2089, a group of anthropologists discover a star system as depicted in ancient cave paintings, art, and even Egyptian hieroglyphs, that, without the proper technology, should have remained undiscovered by man. A few years later, with the crew waking from a long-term stasis, we find ourselves on a planet that at best, could be described as "very far away." I can't remember the exact number, but it was something times ten to the power of fourteen. That's a lot of zeros. Anyway, we get here, pretty much on the assumption that whatever lives here, we humans are direct decedents (or creations, pick as you please) of them.
      Once this movie gets started (and it's not a slow beginning by any means), it almost never stops. The movie hooks you from the start (well, except for that opening scene. What was that about? Neither of us were sure, even after sleeping on it...thoughts?), and very quickly spirals out of control. With every character having their own agenda, there's never something not happening. Believe me, the middle hour and thirty minutes (it's a two hour movie), were really f*cking cool. If there's anyone who laughs with delight at the sight of people getting...oh my gosh, I don't want to spoil any of the alien violence. I will say, though, that Chris found it very interesting getting to see all of these new and different breeds (if that's the right word?) of aliens (I had no idea what was old and what was new). This movie goes above and beyond with alien-on-human violence. I can't stress that enough. Elizabeth Shaw (the main character)'s first personal encounter with an alien is why I am proud to be a woman. Fun fact: Back when my parents still liked each other enough to go on dates, my dad took my mother to go see Alien while pregnant with my brother. m.brown, I hope you knew that. 

I was amazed at how well they could run in these suits.

     Believe me, there is a lot you can say about this movie. The characters were really cool, even if it took me a while to get used to their unorganized ways (I've been spoiled with Star Trek, in which every away-team is organized, disciplined, and trained to stick together and they always keep an eye on their android. Never, ever, lose track of yours!). I even gave Chris a quick rant (I say "gave" like he had a choice, but he's a good listener) about how this movie must have been so different and terrifying from a man's perspective, all while throwing titles such as The Exorcism, Teeth, and House of Leaves in his direction, as well as Greek myths. But I think I will save that topic for another day. The music was classic. I'm a sucker for sharp violins to build tension. Also, the song David plays early on in the movie as well as the song played during the credits? Frederic Chopin's "Raindrop" Prelude, Op. 28 No. 15. Raindrops. I mentally high-fived myself for catching that itty-bitty Easter Egg. Speaking of surprises, I felt like this movie was filled with them for the more hard-core fans, especially a lot of David's lines (I mean, he spent two years or whatever by himself. Do you know how many movies he could have watched? How many tv shows he watched? I would give all of my internal organs to become an android...). But I could be wrong. Oh, and props to books still existing in the future, even if you have to be the daughter of a billionaire to have an entire bookshelf of them.

Are you fucking kidding me? And I thought the Jem'Hadar were intense...

     So what qualms did I have with the movie? First off: The beginning. Like I said, what was that all about? Second, I missed a lot of the why things were happening bit. I might have been caught up in a daze by the visuals. Maybe I was overwhelmed because I was sitting in the second fucking row of the theatre. I don't fucking know. You know what else I didn't like? The alien ship main computer. The initial step of..logging in (?) was really stupid. Chris tried to tell me, "Come on! It's like Zelda!" but I didn't buy it. The computer as a whole didn't make any sense. How could any single creature use this? Especially from a chair? Which, by the way, this whole room was set up in a way that was bizarre. I mean, who sits at a table in a chair to activate another chair that comes out of the table that was also kind of being used as a floor? Fucking aliens. 
     You know how people say that you can't complain about realism in a movie filled with unrealistic things? Well you can. I made this argument in Attack the Block [review]. Just because aliens are running rampant, doesn't mean you can ignore basic and logical science. To put it vaguely, with the way she ran, I forgot about her staples. Bitch would have bleed to death before accomplishing the feats that she did.

     I also feel like this movie seemed rushed at times, which leads me to my final point. Maybe this is because I haven't seen the first Alien, but before I knew it, the credits were rolling, and I just thought, "Wait, that's it?" And that was the feeling that I carried as I walked from the theatre. Where did the excitement go? Where did the tension go? Suddenly, a wild Ending appears! You cannot attack; only flee! I don't know, but the ending kind of...injured my overall gusto. 
     Chris's final words: As a man who favors continuity, Prometheus is an excellent addition to the Alien universe. Stylistically, the movie was nostalgic, with it's rag-tag crew, facing a very large, and very brutal crisis. His recommendation: If you like Sci-Fi horror, watch it.

I'm too high for this s**t.

Guys, I'm trying to eat as many tortilla chips as I can before my sister-in-law comes home. Why? Because one time, I went to go see Peter Jackson's King Kong with two of my brothers, and one of them ordered a large popcorn and he apparently made a silent vow to eat all the popcorn before the King hit the screen. Isn't it hilarious that King Kong didn't appear until like, half way through the movie? It probably took him fifteen minutes to down the whole thing. Anyway, these two stories are actually unrelated, and what's more unrelated?

You can watch this movie, or
just play FIFA.

      Attack the Block. During (and this is according to Wikipedia) Bonfire Night, which is a celebration of all things that explode which in Great Britain is the fifth of November (I'm looking at you, brother. Watching V for Vendetta does teach you everything you need to know about British culture. Suck on that, loser!), some punk kids try to jump some lady, but oh no, in the midst of all the fireworks an alien comes crashing down landing facefirst (not really) into a car. Moses, our leader (don't be fooled), upon inspection and minor purloining (let that be your word of the day), gets attacked by the alien, so he seeks out an ego-filled revenge, hunting the little bastard down, and killing it. Then, and I do this with every animal I kill, he parades around with the corpse (I learned just now that a carcass is a dead animal, but the third definition adds: what's left of an animal after the butcher has removed the inedible parts. Huh.) like the champion that he is, and then..

"No one is ever going to call you Mayhem if you keep
acting like a pussy."

     ...brings it to his drug dealers flat? Who cares. Ok, you know how hornets and yellow-jackets release an alarm pheromone that tells his friends I'm dead come kill the shit out of who did this to me? Same thing. So, this sets up the rest of the movie, of this gang using all the street-smart they've got to protect themselves. I wish they had focused more on the action, because what action they did show was so great. I mean, just downright awesome. But, they didn't. The action was brief, and instead, there was a lot of dialogue that I'm embarrassed to say, but I really appreciated when my brother clicked on the subtitles. I mean, street-slang is one thing, but British street-slang? I..I don't even know. I could have watched the movie on mute and probably would have understood more of the dialogue.

Not a blue light in sight.

     Ok, but what about those aliens? They were awesome. They were these pitch black gorilla creatures with bright blue glowing teeth. They're pretty baller, I will admit.
     But I didn't like this movie. I mean, I liked it. I had a pretty ok time. I just had really high expectations for a movie this good, and they weren't met. The cast was well designed, but poorly played. Too much dialogue, not enough action, and a really stupid ending. What's that? I shouldn't judge a movie on realism because the plot has to do with aliens? No. Eff that. Just because aliens are invading doesn't mean that gas and fire interact differently.
     Lastly, I think that everyone in the world needs to learn that you should never sell a movie by sticking the words Shaun of the Dead on it. It will only lead to heartbreak (the last time I fell for this trick was Dead and Breakfast. Oh god. Never again.).