I'm too high for this s**t.

Guys, I'm trying to eat as many tortilla chips as I can before my sister-in-law comes home. Why? Because one time, I went to go see Peter Jackson's King Kong with two of my brothers, and one of them ordered a large popcorn and he apparently made a silent vow to eat all the popcorn before the King hit the screen. Isn't it hilarious that King Kong didn't appear until like, half way through the movie? It probably took him fifteen minutes to down the whole thing. Anyway, these two stories are actually unrelated, and what's more unrelated?

You can watch this movie, or
just play FIFA.

      Attack the Block. During (and this is according to Wikipedia) Bonfire Night, which is a celebration of all things that explode which in Great Britain is the fifth of November (I'm looking at you, brother. Watching V for Vendetta does teach you everything you need to know about British culture. Suck on that, loser!), some punk kids try to jump some lady, but oh no, in the midst of all the fireworks an alien comes crashing down landing facefirst (not really) into a car. Moses, our leader (don't be fooled), upon inspection and minor purloining (let that be your word of the day), gets attacked by the alien, so he seeks out an ego-filled revenge, hunting the little bastard down, and killing it. Then, and I do this with every animal I kill, he parades around with the corpse (I learned just now that a carcass is a dead animal, but the third definition adds: what's left of an animal after the butcher has removed the inedible parts. Huh.) like the champion that he is, and then..

"No one is ever going to call you Mayhem if you keep
acting like a pussy."

     ...brings it to his drug dealers flat? Who cares. Ok, you know how hornets and yellow-jackets release an alarm pheromone that tells his friends I'm dead come kill the shit out of who did this to me? Same thing. So, this sets up the rest of the movie, of this gang using all the street-smart they've got to protect themselves. I wish they had focused more on the action, because what action they did show was so great. I mean, just downright awesome. But, they didn't. The action was brief, and instead, there was a lot of dialogue that I'm embarrassed to say, but I really appreciated when my brother clicked on the subtitles. I mean, street-slang is one thing, but British street-slang? I..I don't even know. I could have watched the movie on mute and probably would have understood more of the dialogue.

Not a blue light in sight.

     Ok, but what about those aliens? They were awesome. They were these pitch black gorilla creatures with bright blue glowing teeth. They're pretty baller, I will admit.
     But I didn't like this movie. I mean, I liked it. I had a pretty ok time. I just had really high expectations for a movie this good, and they weren't met. The cast was well designed, but poorly played. Too much dialogue, not enough action, and a really stupid ending. What's that? I shouldn't judge a movie on realism because the plot has to do with aliens? No. Eff that. Just because aliens are invading doesn't mean that gas and fire interact differently.
     Lastly, I think that everyone in the world needs to learn that you should never sell a movie by sticking the words Shaun of the Dead on it. It will only lead to heartbreak (the last time I fell for this trick was Dead and Breakfast. Oh god. Never again.).